Life has recurring images.  For instance, if any of the people I was dating, at the time, had a song to sing, it would be this one.  Oddly, at first, I was just drawn to it for the stirng part, but yeah, lyrics whoa.

This would explain why, while I was supposed to go hang out with Josh and his boyfriend, Rob, tonight, I instead left the bar as soon as I ran into them.  I mean, yes, I was thrilled to run into Josh dating someone, because really, I have been looking for something, anything, to get me off my inability to let go (and knowing that there are usually only two ways), cause really, I was getting sick of it.  A year of this was more then enough.

But yeah, going back to the original part, I’m one of those insanely private people.  To the point that even the people who are closest to me know nothing more than what everyone else does.  I usually retort that they should feel special, and they know more than my family, but family means nothing to me, at least in the terms of bloodlines.  If I were to define family as everyone else does, it would be my closest friends.

In actuality, I’m quite open, as long as I’m telling things that have absolutely nothing pertaining to my past or my feelings.  To get to that, you need to come equipped with a crowbar, because prying is definitely necessary, and with which I’ll usually start talking like any politician and dodging every question with the best answer that doesn’t say anything but isn’t considered lying.  I’d like to break this habit, but I’m afraid of a deluge coming out the second I crack the seal.  No one deserves that mess.

Maybe I just need to vent, but I’m still worried for whoever’s ears have to hear it.

On two separate side notes; tomorrow I’m buying a violin.  I’m hoping that having an instrument again might help me regain the state of mind I used to be in (having an outlet that really says nothing to other ears, but can help me get everything out of my system), and apparantly I am really, really bad for hitting on girls when I’m drunk.  It’s a shame I’m gay, even if they don’t realise it.

And yes, this has been all over the map.  I can see New Zealand from here.