This is a rant, I appologise.  I have wasted upwards of 8 months trying to get into a relationship with a guy I liked, through periods of of both absolute despisal and lovng (primarily the latter), only to have gotten what I tried for for three days, to only be told as I was before that “I’m not ready for a relationship.”  The kicker was in less than a month (also known as last Sunday), the bomb was dropped on me that he was in a steady relationship that everything was amazing (and that he was apparantly ready for), and while in his drunken state, he appologised for hurting me, he also tried hooking me up with someone that, if he knew me, he would know would be a terrible pairing, let alone telling both me and him, that it would be amazing and that we should screw each other, and become boyfriends.

What frustrates me the most, is that I’m still getting pissed about this.  Granted, it isn’t helping that my work keeps giving me oppertunities (Manilla, and the latest encounter), in which they keep renegging on me due to “demand.”  For serious, I cancelled my vacation request to go to Ed’s party due to an insanely cool oppertunity to train agents from my own home (granted, the office is across the street), yet yesterday (or Wednesday), I was called to take over another trainer’s class so that she could take over another’s because they hired someone who was incompetant, just since she was the ONLY one trained on the campaign, whereas the other was crosstrained.  So, as the only other person in our site who was trained to teach the last two days of this class then follow them into the worst of freaking shifts to supervise them, I not only had to cancel my vacation request for nothing, but then get told by my boss that I could rerequest it, even though it would be in conflict with where they need me, even after cancelling on my prior plans.

What’s sad is I was so happy when I got this promotion (granted a day later Josh asked me out), in the last two months, everything has gone to hell, and I have no idea how to deal with all of this, aside from my usual philosophy of trying to grin and bear it.  Sadly, I’m losing the patience to do it, and my attendance at work is showing it.  I’ll be fired soon, for lack of showing up if things don’t start working out.  I can understand, and signed a contract saying I’m fully shift flexible, but I think more than 24 hours notice about a complete schedule change, while my work being unforgiving about me having to deal with shit in my own life is a bit much.

I need guidance, and fast.  And yeah, happy Pride.